Professional? Professional!

Today I found I made a silly mistake. I chatted with some fellows and asked them what's the tax letter sent by the government used for. They told me they had already got the tax return...Weird, why I still had not got it??? They also told me if I did not get it through the bank account, I must get a cheque. A cheque? Since I am leaving, I decided to find out what's going on. I checked the letter I received. No cheque...I played with the piece of fancy paper and tried to figure out what the picture meant again. All of a sudden, I saw the word "cheque" on the back of the paper! OMG, it was a cheque!!! S jiejie laughed at me and said that luckily I did not tear it to pieces...

I have many certificates to prove I am professional. I have certificate on computer, language, securities and so on. And the one that once made me very proud of is my CPA certificate, since few people in my department could pass the exams within such a short period of preparation, and get the certificate before graduation. I think I should belong to the kind of people, who know how to prepare for exams a little better than others and have a little luck in the exams. I don't mean to say I am clever. I just want to say if you take a lot of exams, you can have some experience and skills as well. I put all my certificates in a plastic bag. A big bag!!! 


However, those certificates are quite ironic in my eyes, including my degrees. Sometimes I just think others get certificates for career and wealth, and I get certificates for fun and annual association fees...The most ironic ones I think should be my degrees and the certificates related to my major. Although I am a CPA, I have never seen a receipt used in companies. I had a very tough time to imagine how those receipts worked and were circulated in companies when I took the auditing exam. So it is not a surprise that I played my cheque as a fancy paper -_- And moreover, I have no business sense at all! I never watch business news. I don't invest in any financial product. S once asked me to have a try and invest some money in equities. Without thinking, I said no and "did you want to ruin my piggy life?" I also hate credit card and any other card. I always don't know how much money in my wallet and in my account. When my mom asked me about the monthly expenditure after I lived in Canada for some time, I told her that I did not know (I really don't know even now). And to make me not that stupid, I used my fancy accounting terminology and told my mom that it was on-going and I could only know that at the end of year. Of course, my mom knew that her silly daughter continued her silly life in Canada...

I quite envy some of my fellows, especially several girls I lived with. They always know how much money they have and make all the financial issues in great order. While I always did not know whether I got my scholarship/payment or not, how much money my parents gave me and how much I spent...Totally disorder...I think I will never be a rich person, because I hate dealing with money. And I think it will not take a long time, I will be the poorest person among my former fellows and current fellows. The other day I felt quite disappointed when I talked with S about the job opportunities I gave up. I am quite sure that after 3 or 4 years, if I took those jobs, I would have higher payments than what I can receive after getting the PhD degree, even here in Canada. And to make things worse, now what I worry most is not the payment but whether I can find a job...Maybe I will get another certificate later, unemployment certificate,  and food bank's food stamps...It seems I am not only not good at investing money, but also not good at investing my life time...When can I become smart?

What women want...

Yesterday I watched a movie played by Gong Li and Andy Liu. The moive is called "What women want". It is adapted from Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt's "What women want". To be honest, I did not enjoy the movie very much, because I thought the story was a bit cliche. A man is hit by lightning and gets some super power thereafter. And he uses the power to chase a girl...Boring...

I watched the movie mostly because of the leading actress Gong Li. And yes, I think her dresses look very beautiful in the movie. I don't know why. She gives me a very comfortable feeling, which I cannot find in most Chinese famous actresses, such as Zhang Ziyi, Fan Bingbing and so on. And I don't know why I just think she should have the good characteristics in old times Chinese men expected their wives to have (Haha, I know many Chinese men still wish to find such characteristics in their GF or wives. But I am sure most of them get disappointed nowadays.) For example, I think she should be the type of woman, who is an excellent cook at home, a loyal wife and an excellent mom who knows very well how to raise and educate her kids. She should be very soft and gentle all the time, but during the hard times, she should be able to support and help  her husband overcome the difficulties. Hahaha, above are all my imagination...


Frankly speaking, I don't think she is the typical type of beauty according to Chinese traditional standards. However, I believe if given several Chinese actresses, a foreigner especially a western people should choose her as the most beautiful one. Once my cousin, who studied in Paris, told me that in front of the cinema, there were many beautiful Chinese actresses posters. However, most of the foreigners were attracted by the one of Gong Li. Of course, I am sure those male foreigners should have a different reason why they admired Gong Li from me. I believe it is Gong Li's hot figure, which makes her more beautiful in the eyes of foreigners than other Chinese actresses:P 

Be a healthy person, mentally and physically

Today I read some articles in a blog (http://yujuanfudan.blog.163.com/blog/#m=0). The blog belongs to a past person. She was a 33 years old young mom and a professor from Fudan University (a very good one in China). She died of breast cancer. Before she passed away, she wrote some articles to record her fight against cancer and thoughts about life. S recommended it to me some time ago to remind me to change my way of life. I know he hates some of my bad habits very much, for example, staying up late, not eating breakfast, not taking exercise and so on...Sometimes we had arguments because of these things and he could do nothing about my life style. Moreover, I believe life is some kind of destiny. Now  I don't tell him at all about my daily life. 

To be honest, I did not want to read such kind of articles, which may make people feel pretty sad. Although sometimes I hate my major very much, I do feel I am pretty lucky that I did not follow my parents' advice to become a doctor, a real doctor. The thing that bothered me then was that in China, some poor people could not afford the high medical expenses. They could not get treatments and could do nothing except for waiting for death. (I am sorry to say this really. I have no mean to say bad words about my country. I love my country. But it does have some serious problems.) If I were a doctor, I was sure that I would be tortured conscientiously. Anyway, playing with numbers may not be a bad choice to a person, who is a bit emotional. I read books on similar topics before. I can recall two books. One (Chinese name：相约星期六） is recorded the conversations of a professor with his student every Saturday in his last few days. ( I cannot remember the name of his disease. It is some kind of losing muscles' normal functions. And I cannot remember the name of the foreign author.) And the other "妞妞-- 一个父亲的札记" written by Zhou, Guoping (周国平), talking about his dead daughter. Oh, another one. It was written by Zhang, Jie （张洁) called "The one who loves me most passed away" （世上最疼我的那个人去了), talking about the last days of her mom. All are very touching.  

I don't know since when I began to avoid reading such kind of books or articles which may make me feel sad. But the other day someone told me some about his life-changing experience, very scary experience indeed. (please don't ask me who or what it is. Personal privacy:) To be honest, I cannot imagine he once underwent such kind of thing. Luckily, all the things magically turned to the good side. However, it still changed his point view of life and made him become stronger and more optimistic and know what's the most important thing in life. His words inspired me a lot. Today I happened to recall the blog thing and I think maybe it is not a bad idea to visit it. If we know how to face death, we may lead a better life. 

To be honest, breast cancer is not strange to me. My grandma and one of my aunts both died of it and both passed away before 40. (Yeah...I know...I have higher chances to get it than normal people.) I witnessed how it turned an optimistic and energetic person into a weak and desperate one. The blog holder's case is more extreme. From discover and diagnosis of the cancer to her death, it only took about 15 months. She was so young and she had such a bright future. More importantly, she had such a young kid. I think as a parent, nothing can make him/her more worried about than their kid's life after their death. Her writing style is quite relaxing and light-hearted in spite of the content she talked about. By the way, I feel really happy that she had a good husband, who supported her mentally and physically during the last days of her life. 

Life is so vulnerable and unpredictable. And it is so short. Should we waste our precious time being unhappy? NO!!!  

By the way, breast cancer is curable during the early phases. If you love your girl friend or your wife, please remind her to take an annual examination:)

Zombie, wake up!!!

Today I have been daydreaming all day along. In J's words, I was in the state of a zombie again. Since paper is almost done, all of a sudden, I don't know what to do next. I only read a paper which I read before and thought a little bit about how to replicate it today. 

Although I felt bored and nothing to do, I indeed have things need to take care of. I told Pro.Z that I would write a short description of her friend's codes she asked me to run, and send it to her, but still I have not done it yet (By the way, I feel pretty good that I can help her, a professor in another field, a little. She is a very cute Chinese girl and I love talking with her. I like writing codes and running others' codes for her as well. I always feel people in other fields consider us as some kind of geeks, because we are always calculating and staring at numbers, equations and tables. However, this time I know my stupid skills can help others a little and I am not totally useless. Wow!!!) And I have not coded the data my supervisor asked me to (hope he forgets about it!). I have not double-checked the results. I have not re-written the codes in Macro language. I have not...OMG, it seems I still have an endless list...

I always feel that I am "kicked" to move on by deadlines or others in my life. I exchanged emails with M the other day. I thought he would talk about G2 test thing and ask me to get my driver's license. Yeah, he really did later as I expected. My poor cousin! He is always more mature than I am and since we were kids, he took care of me a lot like a big brother, although he is only 3 months older than me. The excuse I found for not to take it now was that it was too hot and I did not want to get sun burnt and I had term paper to hand in. I guess later this year I would say no, there is ice on the road. I am afraid! He also said that I should go to watch movies because of the summer movie season. Not attractive to me at all. Maybe next time on my way to the library, I should look at the alumni pics gallery again, find his pic and attach a big pink hello kitty on his face. That would be great fun!!! However, I am too old to play such a game. 

Anyway, I should make a plan this time. So I can see I am making progress and I am not saving all the things to the last min like the term paper. 

My favorite author...

When I talked about age, I recalled the essay talking about life written by one of my favorite authors, Lin, Yutang (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lin_Yutang). I not only like his articles, but also like his way of living the life. And I think through his articles, people can see many philosophy ideas of Chinese people (although I am not sure such philosophy ideas are still held by modern Chinese people. Anyway, I am an old-style Chinese. I think I can understand and I do appreciate those ideas). By the way, if people who are interested in Chinese cultures and philosophy, his books are very good. And he also wrote and published a lot of books in English. It is his pic...

The article I recalled is this one (sorry, I have not found the English version yet.)


论年老——人生自然的节奏


        自然的节奏之中有一条规律，就是由童年，青年，老年，衰颓，以至死亡，一直支配着我们的身体。在安然轻松的进入老年之时，也有一种美。我常引用的话之中，有一句我常说的，就是“秋季之歌”。
        我曾经写过在安然轻松之下进入老境的情调儿。下面就是我对“早秋精神”说的话。
       在我们的生活里，有那么一段时光，个人如此，国家亦复如此，在此一段时光之中，我们充满了早秋精神，这时，翠绿与金黄相混，悲伤与喜悦相杂，希望与回忆相间。在我们的生活里，有一段时光，这时，青春的天真成了记忆，夏日茂盛的回音，在空中还隐约可闻；这时看人生，问题不是如何发展，而是如何真正生活；不是如何奋斗操劳，而是如何享受自己有的那宝贵的刹那；不是如何去虚掷精力，而是如何储存这股精力以备寒冬之用。这时，感觉到自己已经到达一个地点，已经安定下来，已经战到自己心中想望的东西。这时，感觉到已经有所获得，和以往的堂皇茂盛相比，是可贵而微小，虽微小而毕竟不失为自己的收获，犹如秋日的树林里，虽然没有夏日的茂盛葱茏，但是所据有的却能经时而历久。
       我爱春天，但是太年轻。我爱夏天，但是太气傲。所以我最爱秋天，因为秋天的叶子的颜色金黄，成熟，丰富，但是略带忧伤与死亡的预兆。其金黄色的丰富并不表示春季纯洁的无知，也不表示夏季强盛的威力，而是表示老年的成熟与蔼然可亲的智慧。生活的秋季，知道生命上的极限而感到满足。因为知道生命上的极限，在丰富的经验之下，才有色调儿的调谐，其丰富永不可及，其绿色表示生命与力量，其橘色表示金黄的满足，其紫色表示顺天知命与死亡。月光照上秋日的林木，其容貌枯白而沉思；落日的余晖照上秋日的林木，还开怀而欢笑。清晨山间的微风扫过，使颤动的树叶轻松愉快的飘落于大地，无人确知落叶之歌，究竟是欢笑的歌声，还是离别的眼泪。因为是早秋的精神之歌，所以有宁静，有智慧，有成熟的精神，向忧愁微笑，向欢乐爽快的微风赞美。对早秋的精神的赞美，莫过于辛弃疾的那首《丑奴儿》：
少年不识愁滋味
爱上层楼
爱上层楼
为赋新词强说愁
而今识尽愁滋味
欲说还休
欲说还休
却道天凉好个秋
       我自己认为很有福气，活到这么大年纪。我同代好多了不起的人物，已早登鬼录。不管人怎么说，活到八十，九十的人，毕竟是少数。胡适之，梅贻琦，蒋梦麟，顾孟余，都已经走了。史塔林，希特勒，邱吉尔，戴高乐，也都没了。那又有什么关系？至于我，我要尽量注意养生之道，至少再活十年。这个宝贵的人生，竟美到不可言喻，人人都愿一直活下去。但是冷静一想，我们立刻知道，生命就像风前之烛。在生命这方面，人人平等，无分贫富，无论贵贱，这弥补了民主理想的不足。我们的子孙也长大了。他们都有自己的日子过，各自过自己的生活，消磨自己的生命，在已然改变了的环境中，在永远变化不停的世界上。也许在世界过多的人口发生爆炸之前，在第三次世界大战当中，成百万的人还要死亡。若与那样的剧变相比，现在这个世界还是个太平盛世呢。
        若使那个灾难不来，人必须有先见，预做妥善的安排。
       每个人回顾他一生，也许会觉得自己一生所做所为已然成功，也许以为还不够好。在老年到来之时，不管怎么样，他已经有权休息，可以安闲度日，可以与儿孙，在亲近的家族里，享天伦之乐，享受人中至善的果实了。
       我算是有造化，有这些孩子，孝顺而亲爱，谁都聪明解事，善尽职责。孙儿，侄子，侄女，可以说是“儿孙绕膝”了，我也觉得有这样孩子，我颇有脸面。政治对我并不太重要。朋友越来越少，好多已然作古。即使和我们最称莫逆的，也不能和我们永远在一起。我们一生的作为，会留在我们身后。世人的毁誉，不啻风马牛，也毫不相干了。无论如何，紧张已经解除，担当重任的精力已经减弱了。即使我再编一本汉英字典，也不会有人付我稿费的。那本《当代汉英词典》之完成，并不比降低血压更重要，也比不上平稳的心电图。我为那本汉英字典，真是忙得可以。
       我一写完那好几百万字的巨册最后一行时，那最后一行便成为我脚步走过的一条踪迹。那时我有初步心脏病的发作，医生告诉我要静养两个月。 

When I tried to find this essay, I also re-read some of his essays. And I had a great time! Reading is my favorite hobby and I spent most of my money buying books (not cartoon or fast-consuming love stories written by the internet writers)  when I was a kid. However, as I study more and more about money, I find myself become further and further away from the ideal, tranquil and beautiful world those poems, essays and novels once built for me...What a pity... 

Age...

The other day my silly bf made my age public information to all his friends on his QQ list. As soon as I found that, I asked him to delete it asap. He told me that many friends told him that they did not believe that I was that "old". He thought that may make me feel better. However, in my eyes, it was really not kind of compliment. Just like during the TA office hours, the students always asked me whether I was really a PhD rather than a MA or an undergraduate, which made me feel they doubted about my professional knowledge. 


Recently I am thinking that whether staying in school all the time and never working outside make me so childish. I guess when others say they don't believe my age, it is not because I look young, it is because my childish behaviors. I am thinking that sometimes people grow up because of things they experience but not because of their age. And like in physics, people need some "reference object" to get to know they really "move" in life. Such "reference objects" can be spouses, children, colleagues and so on. However, being at school for a long time, life does not seem to change at all. Go to class, work on homework, sleep as long as you want...Nothing changes. I always find my fellows who have working experience do a much better job than me and they appear more stable and mature. They know much better how to communicate with their supervisors and others. However, during the time when I was still afraid of my supervisor, I always fled as soon as I saw him if he did not see me. And since I thought the econ professor was tough, I did not want to take the front path and leave from the front door, which meant walking in front of him. A, my pretty nice fellow classmate, said I was childish and insisted I left from the front door. Yeah, I did what she said, but I walked so fast that I even forgot to say goodbye to the professor. A is a tough-minded and matured person in my eyes (haha, also very sexy!) I wish I could handle things as maturely as she does. 

But sometimes I do feel I am getting old. The other day I told Pro.K that I was too old. Of course he did not think so because of my small number of age compared with his. However, I do feel that I don't have a young heart as he does. And moreover, I am not energetic and passionate as he is towards life, especially towards work. Sometimes I and J guess the age of some professors. I guess one reason that they look much younger than they are is because they get great fun of what they are doing and find the things they are working on are interesting. 


From time to time, I see young students from the nearby language school. I can see many of the students try to make themselves look more mature than they are. Their appearance make me imagine what I would look like if I was working in the Big Four or other financial institutions. It is really a pity. One day they will know that they have to wear high heels. It is not because they like high heels while it is because they need to wear them to look professional at work and it is the rules of the firms. They will know that they need to use make up. It is not because make up is for grown up women while it is because old women need it to make the poor complexion better. They should really enjoy their time as a young girl. 

Anyway, I think life is just like a song. It has its own rhythm. We should live with the rhythm, and do all the things at their right time. Never try to postpone things or bring forward things from their right time. 

The Women...

Since I was thinking and writing my paper for the past few days, besides drinking more tea, I also spent more time watching films and soap operas to kill my pain. One of the films I enjoyed very much is "The Women", the leading actress is Meg Ryan. I know many people don't like such kind of movies. The topic is quite old. Husband cheats and the wife figures out a way to get her new life. But still I love it. Usually the movies played by Meg Ryan will not disappoint me. She always plays some kind of messy women. I love that kind of characters, just like another character I love very much, Liz Lemon in 30 Rock. Sometimes ago I loved reading other people's personal experience of relations. I find that China, once the most conservative country, is even more open than the western society now. Until recently I finally figured out the abbreviation of "ons" in many Chinese people's articles. It should be the abbreviation for "one-night stand". I am sure many people who use ons are not good at or even don't use English at all in their daily life. However "ons" becomes quite popular and "ons" becomes known to all. Now I almost spend no time reading other people's fighting stories against their spouse's lover, because I feel pretty bad and feel life is so complicated and hopeless after the reading (although previously I thought I was able to learn some lessons from their experience). 

I seldom talk about love affairs with others. However, the other day, when a married friend talked about her husband and their relationship, I shared with her something about my love affairs. I said a lot to cheer her up, tried to find some excuses for her husband behavior and asked her to see the bright side of life. However, she told me that I should not expect marriage to be as sweet as it once was after some time. And she told me that I am too simple and naive about marriage and relationship. And she also said that if I did not learn how to run a relationship and make great effort to hold it, my personal relationship would get into crisis quite easily. I guess she is right. 


Anyway, I hope this world does not become crazier and crazier and more and more people find that loving each other and getting old together as a couple is an extremely beautiful thing...

Not a bad day:)

Today when I got up, I felt pretty bad. I wish I was still a kid. I remember when I was a kid, every day when I got up, I felt so energetic. Is there any way to improve the sleeping quality? Maybe I should take others' advice and get regular exercise. I don't like running, especially running alone on the running machine. Every time when I know my familiar friends runs on a running machine, I just call them Forrest Gump. Swimming is a good idea. However, as long as I think of putting myself in cold water, I just feel horrible. I guess it would sound like a quite stupid idea to the Chinese medicine doctors I once visited. If a person should avoid eating ice-cream and cold things as much as possible, should she put herself in a swimming pool? I guess Chinese medicine sounds like superstition in the eyes of people from other cultures. But I do believe, because I am a Chinese (haha). I am an extreme case, who is  pretty "cold" inside according to Chinese medicine. But according to Chinese medicine, all the girls should avoid eating and drinking cold things like ice-cream and ice water a lot. Haha, I know J will not like this idea, because she once said she loved ice-cream!

Back to the paper topic, I feel so grateful for others' help. When I saw the corrections others made on my paper, I felt so guilty. I was able to avoid some mistakes, but I did not try my best to find them. It made me feel that I dumped my dirty work to others. Thanks indeed for others understanding. I guess if I received such a paper, I would be quite impatient and begin to hate the person who sent me the paper. I hate others who don't take their responsibilities and make unnecessary troubles to others. But this time, it is me. 


I feel so lucky that I meet these nice and kind people. I remember one of the reasons I wanted to take the English test and Gmat to apply for PhD programs was something said by Pro.S. He said that PhD studying was some kind of intellectual challenge. And moreover, people working in the universities are generally cultured and reasonable. Obviously, the people I meet here are much more than cultured. I cannot imagine how terrible PhD studying would be without them. I do know that there are some tough professors and supervisors and some are even mean, luckily they "belong" to others. hehehehe...Happy...

Paper writing is towards the end. I really learn a lesson this time. Hope I can do a better job next time...

Paper...

Today I did not touch any work and had a whole day off. It is a bit special day to me. I think I have some sound reason to enjoy myself totally and keep smile and happy for the whole day. The only pity is that I have not found the nail color I want to wear today, although I searched it for a long time. 


I was pretty happy although being alone as usual all day, until reading my supervisor's email just now. I feel really bad and I realize that I did things wrong. Although Pro.C did not say harsh words and only asked me a simple question in the email, I can feel he is quite unhappy about my attitude towards my paper and my poor paper. I sent him a paper full of typos and mistakes before serious review. I thought he would only be interested in the tables and the numbers like me. I hope tomorrow he will not be mad at me. Normally when nice people become serious and give some negative comments, it is really horrible. Pray. I am really scared and I hope Pro.C is not angry with me. 

I only spent three or four days writing the paper. My nice supervisor reminded me to write it as early as possible several times. Therefore I really deserve the criticism. I saved all the things to the last minute. It is my problem I know that. Not until the last minute, not to start. And from time to time, I even get fun of doing things this way, because I feel good to complete things and get things ready in a short time. However, now I know writing paper is not like taking some tests. How much time you spend on it has a more positive relationship with the output. 


OK, OK, stop now. I feel too bad. Let's change the topic, or I will become sleepless tonight. What I learned from this paper writing experience? 


Paper writing is not that bad in fact. Only looking at the results without writing something about it, you still have no clear idea of what behind those numbers. Writing paper can help you get a clearer idea of what you are doing. With the results, you think you can explain everything and the logic is good. However, the fact always does not go as you imagine. 

Reading literature is import to writing a paper. The more you read, the more ideas you may have. It is important. I think I learned such a lesson when I wrote my master thesis. However, obviously, I did not really take a lesson from it. 


Start as early as possible. The other day when I talked with Pro.K, his words inspired me and I found myself did not have plan at all. I should really get rid of the bad habit of being lazy and saving all the things to the last minute. If you don't start, you will never finish. I always say to myself that it is OK if I cannot graduate in time. But if a slow and lazy person, like me, plans to graduate in 5 years, he/she must not be able to graduate in 5 years. If I plan to graduate in 4 years, maybe I still have a chance to graduate in 5 years. If I don't force myself to write papers, I will never write a single word. 


OK. Stop here. Hope Pro.C will not be angry with me tomorrow. Hope Pro.C will not be angry with me tomorrow. Hope Pro.C will not be angry with me tomorrow. Keep smiling. Keep smiling. Keep smiling. Go to bed. Go to bed. Go to bed. 

Wilcoxon test...

http://wenku.baidu.com/view/da896c6baf1ffc4ffe47acb4.html

useful and clear material...suitable for F dummy, like me:)

Normal distribution test...

proc univariate data=a normal; var b; run; 

Useful link

http://www.indiana.edu/~statmath/stat/all/normality/normality.pdf

Simple quantiles function...

proc univariate data=boots.a_alpha;  
output out=boots.alpha_quantiles pctlpts=0.5 2.5 97.5 99.5 pctlpre=PreTest;
var estimate;
run;

Stupid Mistake...

PhD studying is indeed a battle against carelessness. And today I paid for my carelessness AGAIN! 

I should get the quantile of 97.5%, 2.5%, 99.5% and 0.5%, so that I can make inference accordingly. However, I, the big stupid dummy, got only the regular distribution. And I found the mistake after I had done almost all the work. Almost 10 hours work turned to be useless...I did all the dirty and heavy work yesterday and hoped today was a happy and "clean" day. However, it seems I need to do the dirty work again...Painful...Faint...Heart attack...

It is really a lesson AGAIN! Start from the beginning point AGAIN!

I want a big forehead...

Term paper is due on June 15. However, up to now not a single word has been written. How wonderful it would be if I did not need to write papers? How wonderful it would be if I only needed to process the data and hand it to others? 


Comparing with paper writing, many things become more tolerable. Today I spent some time reviewing Pro.M's econometrics notes of last term. I wish I did it earlier. After the review, several things I was confused about in one paper became clear. And I feel more comfortable to give the reason why I should use the bootstrap technique in my term paper. Pro.M is a very nice person. And I always daydreamed in his class and begun to do the preparation job two days (yeah, it is really two days!) before his exams. The exams were quite easy usually and he gave us some samples which were similar to our tests before the tests. So it made me, the lazy person, only know how to give the right answer to the test questions, but did not know what he talked about at all. Now when I look back and review the notes, I find them are quite useful. I should really spend some time on my econometrics...So many things need to make up...

I really hate my memories. I always forget what I have learned immediately. Pro.C said that he was forgetful. I did not think so at all. He can remember everything what he did in his last paper, which makes me envy him very much. I believe nobody is as forgetful as I am. I wish I had a big forehead. It seems people with big forehead are always very smart and have good memories. Pro.C, Pro.K, Pro.H, Pro.L, SGB, XLY...And a big forehead can make people look quite cute...

Paper writing is more like a labor work sometimes. You need to spend a lot of time confirming information, process data, and so on...Since I still want to get some fun from this paper writing, I decide to use the risky bootstrap technique. That means a lot of extra work. Macro codes may speed up the process a bit, while the leverage makes it quite complicated and I am really not in the mood to enjoy trying some new codes now. And what makes me more headache is how to export the results into tables in good format. Luckily, Pro.C sent me the main tables. Still I have several others need to be made. I really have no idea how to make tables look as beautiful as he did.Water and Piggy had done all the excel and ppt work before. Sometimes always having nice friend around is not a good thing. It can make your life easy but it can also make you become more and more stupid...


Anyway, I must begin now. Yeah, tomorrow. Count down, 10...Let me have a rest now:)

Another PhD...

It is really an exciting day. I finally get in touch with CC, my long lost best friend. And what makes me feel more excited is that she is also a PhD! WOW!!! And she is a PhD in the field of genetics! She does not change at all. When we talked on phone, I was still able to feel her boyishness. I can also see her schedule must be very tight. It was Saturday morning in Japan. Well, she was still in the lab. And she told me she arrived at the lab in the early morning to feed the fruit fly, the thing she deals with every day. She also told me that she smelt like fly, because she lives with thousands of fruit flies in the lab every day. So funny. A PhD of science is really different from us. I have nothing interesting related to work to share with. Anyway, I don't think somebody would think price is interesting as long as they don't need to pay for it. And I cannot say something interesting, such as I smell like money, as she did...


We were not able to talk for a long time, because she needed to cover some bottles of fruit flies. But it was still great to hear her voice again. And I am sure she had the same feeling. When you find some long lost best friend, you not only find a person close to you, you also find so many sweet memories...

She will graduate in 1.5 year if she can complete the paper (OMG, paper again!) I strongly recommended her taking a post-doctor here. I guess M's genetics should not be bad and I confess I have some own interest in it. How wonderful it will be if she is here! I have already failed to persuade M, my cousin, to take a MBA degree here, because he loves his current job very much. And I also failed to persuade T, a cousin with a French master degree and able to speak French, to immigrate here, because she thought Canada was not as trendy as France...Sigh...Can my dream come true finally? God bless me, god bless me, god bless me...

When I get older, I will be stronger...

Today I spent most of my time in the office...I worked on my term paper...Yeah again, not a single word was written...

This noon I did spend some time on the serious thing. However, later the afternoon I spent all my time to explore things I felt interesting. Pro.C is on vacation and I feel so free to try things as "wildly" as I want.

He once said that management fee should not change the result due to the small    value. However, I always want to add back the fee, which makes me feel more comfortable. Since he is away, I finally did my experiment. Moreover, I learned some introduction knowledge of SAS macro and SQL. And I adjusted some codes and wrote the codes for stationary bootstrap. Macro and SQL are not as hard as I thought. I think I will try to use them more later. They are really interesting and useful. When I finally completed the codes, I felt so happy and I giggled like a dummy again. It seems being happy is so easy...  

But where is my term paper?  

Luckily, Pro.C is away. If he was here, I would be much more nervous and under great pressure. He is so nice and helps me so much. Anyway, I need to speed up. I must hand in the paper in time. No excuse!

I listened to the song "waving flag" all day along for almost two days. For one thing it can make me awake during work, for another I think I learn something recently just as the song sings. I think I am too emotional recently. Yesterday and today's experience taught me a lesson. I should learn how to adjust myself and there is still a lot of fun of learning. Studying is a fun thing. Just for this, PhD studying is worth all I input...Hahaha, an advertisement for PhD Program...Please, please let more girls be here...They are in great need...

                                  I am getting older, I am getting stronger:)

Yeah, it was a happy children's day...

Yesterday was really a nice day. 

As soon as I got to school, I just met Pro.K on the second floor. He is one of the nicest and most wonderful people I've ever met. He gives me a lot of help and support. Most importantly, he shows me the positive side of PhD studying and sets an example of how to lead an optimistic life for me. Yesterday during the thesis proposal defense, Pro.S's cell phone rang. It took him quite a long time to turn it off. I and J laughed, because Pro.S looked a bit awkward and quite cute. Pro.K laughed as well. The laughing face is so vivid in my head. It is the typical naughty boy laugh. I don't know how he keeps such a young heart. I hope when I am in my sixties, I can be as young as he is. Hahaha, I should stop talking about him here, since I give my blog link to him...

Yesterday I had several nice talks, with my fellows, Pro.Z and Pro.Y, two professors from other fields. I had a good laugh and felt much happier. I enjoy talking with my fellows and I talk a lot with J, an go-to-infinite nice Canadian girl. (I will record some of the interesting things and jokes we've ever had.) Moreover, something what they said was quite inspiring...

However, there was a bigger holiday present waiting for me. Last night, I checked my renren account. It is something like facebook in China, but I am not very passionate about it. But! When I reviewed the friends invitation, I found a name making me quite excited. She is a long lost friend to me! She was the best friend in my high school and senior high school. We have not been in touch for almost 6 years I guess, because we both left home and studied in different places. She was in my dream for several times. And always the dreams were so vivid that even when I woke up I could still remember everything happened in my dreams. Always always I felt quite sad. She was the target on the first floor which I threw the chalk to from the second floor. She was the little slave who always lost the bets and carried my super heavy bag for me on our way home. She was the guinea pig who I tried all my tricks on and got great fun from. She was the person who always felt so unfair because others considered me as a good girl due to my quiet appearance and good grades while she, the talkative and a little boyish one, was always considered to be the naughty one. So many sweet memories...

When I replied to her invitation, I called her dummy as before without thinking. When I checked my QQ frineds, I saw she had been added to my chatting list and she  

changed her state as "finally find Y_ _ Y_ _ ". What a familiar calling! I checked her website as well. She is still as skeleton as before ( being fatter than her was always something I was proud of) and still keeps the dummy's sunny smile:) Until now I still have not got a chance to talk with her because of time difference. Hope she will go back home from Japan this summer, so we can meet...

Bootstrap study...

Useful links...

1     Introduction of random functions of SAS
       http://analytics.ncsu.edu/sesug/2000/p-404.pdf

SAS SQL study...

Useful links...

SQL Introduction:

1    http://www2.sas.com/proceedings/sugi30/257-30.pdf

SAS macro study...

Useful links...

Macro Introduction:

1    http://wenku.baidu.com/view/5293e0104431b90d6c85c78e.html
     (It is a pity that I don't have enough coins to download it...)
2   http://www.nesug.org/proceedings/nesug07/cc/cc41.pdf