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When I talked about age, I recalled the essay talking about life written by one of my favorite authors, Lin, Yutang (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lin_Yutang). I not only like his articles, but also like his way of living the life. And I think through his articles, people can see many philosophy ideas of Chinese people (although I am not sure such philosophy ideas are still held by modern Chinese people. Anyway, I am an old-style Chinese. I think I can understand and I do appreciate those ideas). By the way, if people who are interested in Chinese cultures and philosophy, his books are very good. And he also wrote and published a lot of books in English. It is his pic...
The article I recalled is this one (sorry, I have not found the English version yet.)
论年老——人生自然的节奏
自然的节奏之中有一条规律，就是由童年，青年，老年，衰颓，以至死亡，一直支配着我们的身体。在安然轻松的进入老年之时，也有一种美。我常引用的话之中，有一句我常说的，就是“秋季之歌”。
我曾经写过在安然轻松之下进入老境的情调儿。下面就是我对“早秋精神”说的话。
在我们的生活里，有那么一段时光，个人如此，国家亦复如此，在此一段时光之中，我们充满了早秋精神，这时，翠绿与金黄相混，悲伤与喜悦相杂，希望与回忆相间。在我们的生活里，有一段时光，这时，青春的天真成了记忆，夏日茂盛的回音，在空中还隐约可闻；这时看人生，问题不是如何发展，而是如何真正生活；不是如何奋斗操劳，而是如何享受自己有的那宝贵的刹那；不是如何去虚掷精力，而是如何储存这股精力以备寒冬之用。这时，感觉到自己已经到达一个地点，已经安定下来，已经战到自己心中想望的东西。这时，感觉到已经有所获得，和以往的堂皇茂盛相比，是可贵而微小，虽微小而毕竟不失为自己的收获，犹如秋日的树林里，虽然没有夏日的茂盛葱茏，但是所据有的却能经时而历久。
我爱春天，但是太年轻。我爱夏天，但是太气傲。所以我最爱秋天，因为秋天的叶子的颜色金黄，成熟，丰富，但是略带忧伤与死亡的预兆。其金黄色的丰富并不表示春季纯洁的无知，也不表示夏季强盛的威力，而是表示老年的成熟与蔼然可亲的智慧。生活的秋季，知道生命上的极限而感到满足。因为知道生命上的极限，在丰富的经验之下，才有色调儿的调谐，其丰富永不可及，其绿色表示生命与力量，其橘色表示金黄的满足，其紫色表示顺天知命与死亡。月光照上秋日的林木，其容貌枯白而沉思；落日的余晖照上秋日的林木，还开怀而欢笑。清晨山间的微风扫过，使颤动的树叶轻松愉快的飘落于大地，无人确知落叶之歌，究竟是欢笑的歌声，还是离别的眼泪。因为是早秋的精神之歌，所以有宁静，有智慧，有成熟的精神，向忧愁微笑，向欢乐爽快的微风赞美。对早秋的精神的赞美，莫过于辛弃疾的那首《丑奴儿》：
少年不识愁滋味
爱上层楼
爱上层楼
为赋新词强说愁
而今识尽愁滋味
欲说还休
欲说还休
却道天凉好个秋
我自己认为很有福气，活到这么大年纪。我同代好多了不起的人物，已早登鬼录。不管人怎么说，活到八十，九十的人，毕竟是少数。胡适之，梅贻琦，蒋梦麟，顾孟余，都已经走了。史塔林，希特勒，邱吉尔，戴高乐，也都没了。那又有什么关系？至于我，我要尽量注意养生之道，至少再活十年。这个宝贵的人生，竟美到不可言喻，人人都愿一直活下去。但是冷静一想，我们立刻知道，生命就像风前之烛。在生命这方面，人人平等，无分贫富，无论贵贱，这弥补了民主理想的不足。我们的子孙也长大了。他们都有自己的日子过，各自过自己的生活，消磨自己的生命，在已然改变了的环境中，在永远变化不停的世界上。也许在世界过多的人口发生爆炸之前，在第三次世界大战当中，成百万的人还要死亡。若与那样的剧变相比，现在这个世界还是个太平盛世呢。
若使那个灾难不来，人必须有先见，预做妥善的安排。
每个人回顾他一生，也许会觉得自己一生所做所为已然成功，也许以为还不够好。在老年到来之时，不管怎么样，他已经有权休息，可以安闲度日，可以与儿孙，在亲近的家族里，享天伦之乐，享受人中至善的果实了。
我算是有造化，有这些孩子，孝顺而亲爱，谁都聪明解事，善尽职责。孙儿，侄子，侄女，可以说是“儿孙绕膝”了，我也觉得有这样孩子，我颇有脸面。政治对我并不太重要。朋友越来越少，好多已然作古。即使和我们最称莫逆的，也不能和我们永远在一起。我们一生的作为，会留在我们身后。世人的毁誉，不啻风马牛，也毫不相干了。无论如何，紧张已经解除，担当重任的精力已经减弱了。即使我再编一本汉英字典，也不会有人付我稿费的。那本《当代汉英词典》之完成，并不比降低血压更重要，也比不上平稳的心电图。我为那本汉英字典，真是忙得可以。
我一写完那好几百万字的巨册最后一行时，那最后一行便成为我脚步走过的一条踪迹。那时我有初步心脏病的发作，医生告诉我要静养两个月。
The other day my silly bf made my age public information to all his friends on his QQ list. As soon as I found that, I asked him to delete it asap. He told me that many friends told him that they did not believe that I was that "old". He thought that may make me feel better. However, in my eyes, it was really not kind of compliment. Just like during the TA office hours, the students always asked me whether I was really a PhD rather than a MA or an undergraduate, which made me feel they doubted about my professional knowledge.
Recently I am thinking that whether staying in school all the time and never working outside make me so childish. I guess when others say they don't believe my age, it is not because I look young, it is because my childish behaviors. I am thinking that sometimes people grow up because of things they experience but not because of their age. And like in physics, people need some "reference object" to get to know they really "move" in life. Such "reference objects" can be spouses, children, colleagues and so on. However, being at school for a long time, life does not seem to change at all. Go to class, work on homework, sleep as long as you want...Nothing changes. I always find my fellows who have working experience do a much better job than me and they appear more stable and mature. They know much better how to communicate with their supervisors and others. However, during the time when I was still afraid of my supervisor, I always fled as soon as I saw him if he did not see me. And since I thought the econ professor was tough, I did not want to take the front path and leave from the front door, which meant walking in front of him. A, my pretty nice fellow classmate, said I was childish and insisted I left from the front door. Yeah, I did what she said, but I walked so fast that I even forgot to say goodbye to the professor. A is a tough-minded and matured person in my eyes (haha, also very sexy!) I wish I could handle things as maturely as she does.
From time to time, I see young students from the nearby language school. I can see many of the students try to make themselves look more mature than they are. Their appearance make me imagine what I would look like if I was working in the Big Four or other financial institutions. It is really a pity. One day they will know that they have to wear high heels. It is not because they like high heels while it is because they need to wear them to look professional at work and it is the rules of the firms. They will know that they need to use make up. It is not because make up is for grown up women while it is because old women need it to make the poor complexion better. They should really enjoy their time as a young girl.
Anyway, I think life is just like a song. It has its own rhythm. We should live with the rhythm, and do all the things at their right time. Never try to postpone things or bring forward things from their right time.
Since I was thinking and writing my paper for the past few days, besides drinking more tea, I also spent more time watching films and soap operas to kill my pain. One of the films I enjoyed very much is "The Women", the leading actress is Meg Ryan. I know many people don't like such kind of movies. The topic is quite old. Husband cheats and the wife figures out a way to get her new life. But still I love it. Usually the movies played by Meg Ryan will not disappoint me. She always plays some kind of messy women. I love that kind of characters, just like another character I love very much, Liz Lemon in 30 Rock. Sometimes ago I loved reading other people's personal experience of relations. I find that China, once the most conservative country, is even more open than the western society now. Until recently I finally figured out the abbreviation of "ons" in many Chinese people's articles. It should be the abbreviation for "one-night stand". I am sure many people who use ons are not good at or even don't use English at all in their daily life. However "ons" becomes quite popular and "ons" becomes known to all. Now I almost spend no time reading other people's fighting stories against their spouse's lover, because I feel pretty bad and feel life is so complicated and hopeless after the reading (although previously I thought I was able to learn some lessons from their experience).
Anyway, I hope this world does not become crazier and crazier and more and more people find that loving each other and getting old together as a couple is an extremely beautiful thing...
